Bartender Diaries: 7 things you didn’t know about my job

Bartender Diaries: 7 things you didn’t know about my job

This is a bit different to my last 3 posts as I have struggled with content lately due to being unsure how quickly I want to start opening up to you guys but fear not, it will come in good time. Instead, I thought I’d give you a little insight into my job and celebrate doing 3 close shifts in a row this week (1 am finish, goals). Before you read this don’t get the wrong idea, I love my job (mostly because of the people I work with) but being a Bartender can be super fun and you meet so many different types of people (good and bad). I highly recommend it for weekend work or even money throughout studying. If you’re outgoing and can describe yourself as a “people person” this is definitely the job for you. All you need is an RSA Certificate which you can take an online course or can go to TAFE where they hold free courses regularly.

1.I judge you by what you drink

Oh you want a Hennessy? You’re literally only ordering that because Drake rapped it in a song like twice. A ladies beer? (beer with flavoured syrup) Pussy. Vodka water? Legit what is the point of even drinking. There’s a stereotype for which type of person would drinks a certain drink.

2. I am literally an unqualified counsellor

The last 3 nights especially I have wound up in a horrifyingly deep conversation with someone semi-drunk sitting alone at the bar. Conversations ranging from as deep as mental illness to a persons’ multiple fuck buddies. I’m not paid enough for this tbh.

3. Don’t ask me to “surprise you”

Okay, I’m 19 years old. My go-to drinks comprise of anything with Vodka, Moscato (pink or white I don’t mind) and occasionally Malibu. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT A 32-YEAR-OLD, SINGLE MAN WOULD EVEN LIKE? So no, I don’t want to surprise you. Pick a drink and stop expecting me to pluck your tiny brain.

4. I am the BEST at multi-tasking and have a good memory (I’m also humble lmao)

We literally have to do everything at once. From remembering multiple cocktail orders, while pouring 3 different beers on taps at opposite ends of the bar and being eye-killed by 10 strangers who have been waiting in the line for max 0.3245 seconds.

5. No, I’m not going to make that drink that you had from that one bar that one time

Those fresh 18-year-old girls (I know I’m only a year older but that makes me a year wiser, thanks) that come up to the bar (mind you I work in a restaurant, this isn’t Peachy Fridays) and ask me to make wet pussy shots? Um no babe, just take your Vodka red bull and fuck off.

6. Don’t expect me to be nice to you if you don’t show me the same respect

I may be serving you on a Friday night in the ugliest chequered shirt I have ever had to wear in my entire life but that doesn’t mean I am a complete loser with no social life or friends! This is my job to fund myself through this half kinda adult (but not really because I’m still at uni) stage of my life. So if you’re going to be a complete and utter fucking asshole I may have only put half a shot in your drink and a drop in the straw so you think its heaps strong OOPS.

7. Never EVER tell me that it “tastes like there is no alcohol in it”

Most of the time I pour a little more than a standard pour because I’m so nice (unless I know you aren’t going to tip me). The first week my work opened I had this bitch customer who was ordering shots the whole night and taking selfies at the bar, taking a snapchat every time they took a shot. She ordered two vodka drinks and as I was pouring her the standard 30mL shot that every other fucking customer gets she complained that I purposely put no alcohol in her drink? Yeah babe its actually apart of my job description to put alcohol in your drink but nah I didn’t do it aha lmao. I actually hate people. When this happens I usually apologise and make the same drink again but this time I only do the standard pour which means it’s a little less strong than what I poured before HA HA (idiots).

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